


Withering Away

by solrosan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aunt Natasha Romanov, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 19:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14503449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solrosan/pseuds/solrosan
Summary: Shortly after the Battle of Wakanda and the events of Avengers: Infinity War Natasha calls Clint to see how they are





	Withering Away

**Author's Note:**

> I just got home from watching A:IW p 1 and this had to happen before I could move on and write what I was supposed to write today. I hope that this isn't what happened.
> 
> * * *

The survivors and the still existing gathered inside the Royal Palace. The Royal Family – of which only Shuri remained – was shut away with the few Dora Milaje still standing, while the rest of the royal council sat shocked and irresolute. The Americans and aliens had gathered around the shell that had been Vision, all but Rocket staring at him.

Natasha stood at his head, thinking not of him but of Wanda who had sacrificed her own happiness for nothing, who had killed the man she loved for nothing, and who had died knowing that her sacrifice hadn’t been enough. That killing the person she loved wasn’t enough to save the world. Many times before had Natasha wondered why she had lived while others hadn’t, but this was the first time she wished to have been able to trade places with someone. 

Take me, not her. Let me go in her stead.

She had done this for so long, she had killed so many people, and yet here she still was. Perhaps that was her punishment. Steve had called life his punishment once. To carrying on living when all around him died. She had pretended to not understand him then – even if she probably had – but now even that luxury was gone.

She glanced at Steve who stared blankly at Vision, almost looking his 100 years. She couldn’t help wondering if it was the loss of Bucky or Sam that had rendered him temporarily out of order. It probably wasn’t fair of her to think that, but she couldn’t help it.

Okoye came to them, her steps echoing in the quiet halls and pulling all their attention to her. Her eyes were red, but her back straight and her jaw set. Steve, Rhodes, and Thor stood up as she approached.

“There are reports coming in from all over the world,” she said, addressing Steve. “Your President is no more. Your Vice President is being sworn in as we speak. The U.N. is assembling.”

“Any news of Tony?” asked Rhodes.

Okoye shook her head. “They say he’s still missing.”

“Thank you, General,” said Steve. 

“Your country needs you more than Wakanda does,” Okoye said. “I will ask to see if we can get you a plane. Any of you fit to fly?”

They looked at each other. They shrugged and nodded all of them. 

“I’ll be back,” she said, turning on her heel and walking away again. Natasha watched her leave, feeling jealous of the clear purpose she had, she had a nation to hold together. Natasha wanted that too.

“I’ll try to get hold of Fury,” said Steve. “The rest of you, mark yourself as safe on Facebook or something.”

Rocket and Thor looked lost at that order, but the rest of them managed a smile. Rhodes even matched it with a short salute. 

Natasha felt suddenly nauseous. She had been pretty good at ignoring what today’s events must have meant for the world outside Wakanda up until now. Of course this nightmare wasn’t isolated to inside the protective shields of Wakanda. That was the whole point.

“Excuse me,” she muttered and took a few steps away from the others. She knew Bruce watched her go, but had no idea what to do with that right now.

She got out her phone, the screen was cracked, but it still worked. For a long time she stood at the large windows, watching the sun set over Wakanda, afraid to make the call. Behind her she heard Steve say that Fury didn’t answer his calls and she tried to tell herself that it was because Fury was too busy to have time for that. Nothing else.

She dialled Clint’s number, took one last deep breath, and put the phone to her ear.

“Nat,” said Clint when he picked up. “What’s going on?”

Natasha breathed out. The split second of overwhelming relief upon hearing his voice was crushed by how rough and broken he sounded. 

She closed her eyes. “Who?”

“Lila and Nathaniel.”

Natasha rested her forehead against the window. She took one deep breath through her nose. Then another.

“What’s going on?” asked Clint again. “How can we fix it?”

“Clint—“

“How can we _fix_ it?” Clint raised his voice. “There has to— They just _withered away_ , Nat!”

“I know.” Natasha let go of a shaky breath. “I’m sorry…”

“No,” Clint said. “No, don’t say that. No. Nat. Don’t… don’t say that. There has to be a— There has to!”

She couldn’t reply. If she’d try she knew she’d start crying. Clint’s desperation, how close he was to tears as well, made her legs almost give in under her. 

“We were the Avengers,” Clint yelled. “We stop the aliens! We have a Hulk! It can’t end here! What does Nick say? Where the fuck are Cap and Tony?”

“Clint…”

“No! NO! They fell apart! Lila and Nath… just like that! They were dust! In our arms! Don’t tell me there’s nothing— Don’t you dare tell me that! They were supposed to be safe now!”

Tears started to run down Natasha’s cheeks no matter how tightly she closed her eyes. She wanted to tell him about Wanda – he’d be so proud of her if he knew what she’d tried to do – but she couldn’t. Not as she took away his last hope of getting his children back.

“Oh God,” Clint finally whispered when he realised she didn’t reply. “Oh God. _Fuck._ ”

Natasha listened to him break down on the other side and it took all her strength to not give in herself. There was still too much work to be done to allow for that. 

“We’ll be back in the States in a day or two,” she said once Clint had calmed down and she’d managed to gather herself. “I can debrief you then, if you want.”

“Yeah,” Clint whispered, his voice shaky. “Fine. I don’t… Just tell me, can it happen again?”

“No,” she said. “It’s over. This was it.”

Natasha pushed away from the window. She looked back at the others. She had no idea if that was the truth, but she decided that at least this was a lie she was comfortable telling him for now.

“And you’re absolute sure there’s nothing—“

“Yes.”

“Okay,” said Clint. “Okay. Okay.”

The call was over, but Natasha couldn’t bring herself to hang up just yet. As if Clint would disappear like the others as soon a she did. She would like to keep him on the line forever, which was extremely selfish of her. He needed to go to Laura and Coop, and she… she needed to go back to the others. She couldn’t let Steve do this himself. She needed to question Thor about all of this and she needed to talk to Okoye. And to Bruce, but damn, that had to wait.

“I need to…” she said, sighing. “Hug Laura and Coop, okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Just give them hell from me,” said Clint before hanging up. 

Natasha took another moment to look out over the sunset. Clint’s children were no more. Her niece and nephew did not exist. Yet the sun set and would rise again tomorrow. It should have been her instead of them. It should have been. She inhaled deeply and wiped the tears from her eyes. Then she straightened up, trying to channel Okoye. They would go back to the States. They would regroup. Then she was going to give Thanos hell.

She had a purpose.


End file.
